TRUE CHRISTIAN FAQ

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What are True Christians? (aka Trew Kristyuns)
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Hostile warmongering brain-dead bible-worshipping fanatical fundamentalists
like Vera, Abby, Bob, Pedro, etc

AKA

- Venomous Vera, Vera 666, The Nazi, Plonk Bottle Washer, The Plonk Addict
- scAbby, Obnoxious Abby, Juvenile Jeanutter, the Nutty Nurse
- Boring Belligerent Bob, Boob, boob@bob.bob, Tim Tam Security Guard, The
Blob Meister, blob@blob./blob
- The Pedrophile, Thick as a Brick, Pedrododo, The Dodo Turd

They are (except for the non-Trew Kristyun Pedro who is headed for Trew
Kristyun Hell)

- Trew Kristyuns
- funnyMENTALists

All of them are
- Grizian thugs
- Pedrophiles
- Woohoo Wankers
- Poopers

These are characterised by one or more of the following:
- an extreme lack of rationality
- fondness of logical fallacies
- repeated use of emotional appeals
- rigid adherence to Bronze Age mythology
- endorsement of pseudoscientific nonsense
- bigotry and discriminatory attitudes towards minority groups
- belief that certain children's media is the work of Satan
- propensity to vomit Bible verses instead of giving valid argument.

The pictures of ALL these True Christians (aka Trew Krustyuns) are at

http://www.winternet.com/~mikelr/flame1.html (Who's computer is this?)


These pictures are as rare as a Fundamentalist who loves his enemy.

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What's wrong with True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns) ?
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They appear to be as happy as if they were in their right minds.

They have the following unfortunate features:

- a distrust and fear of freedom
- a belief in the importance of authority and in controlling what people
believe
- a corresponding preference for obedience rather than love
- a desire to give people what they want rather than the truth
- a refusal to allow themselves to be in the least disconcerted when
confronted with the true nature of their fundamentalist religion
- a readiness to persecute and exclude anyone who is of a different
persuasion.

They prefer authority, obedience, and conformity over freedom, truth, and
dissent.

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Are the True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns) on this Newsgroup part of the
Griz cult?
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Yes. Key Characteristics of the Griz cult are [adapted from Joanne Ruhland
1995]:

- Content Which Is Authoritarian
- Indoctrinates / clones
- Unquestioning obedience / Leaders do not discuss questions
- Love and loyalty are the bottom line
- Indoctrination /Leaders' conclusions must be accepted.
- Emphasis on uniformity
- Elitist / accepts SOME Christians
- Hidden agenda
- Manipulates
- Leaders "lord" it over the flock
- Results in conformity, rigidity
- Allows one avenue of service ... serving their group
- Individual is responsible to leaders
- Leaders tell individual what God's will is
- Analytical thinking hindered
- Simplistic approach to life
- Pick your own bible verse to lead you / Choices must conform to leaders'
dictates, leaders' approval


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How do True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns) forgive those who sin against
them?
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The bible says in Matthew 18:21-22 " Then Peter came and said to Him, "Lord,
how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him? Up to seven
times?" Jesus said to him, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up
to seventy times seven.

So if someone sins against True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns) they make
sure they follow this verse exactly and keep a ....

TREW KRISTYUN FORGIVEN SIN TALLY

70 times 7 minus 1 for today = 489 times left ...and counting.

That way True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns) know exactly when they can hit
others with their steel encased KJV bible on the other cheek without
sinning.

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How does one translate from True Christianese (aka Trew Kristyunese) to
Plain English?
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You are only political - You want to have rational, logical and intelligent
discussions

You are a heretic - I don't agree with you

You are satan - I *really* don't agree with you

You support heretics - You are a friend to people on the fringe and show
compassion and love

You invade the NG - You came here the same as I did but I assumed control
before you came here and you aren't taking that away

This NG is not for discussion/debates - I fear being challenged by different
views and opinions

I don't have a problem with English, you do - I cannot admit I may be wrong
and I sometimes misunderstand people

This NG has guidelines - Regardless of the facts presented to me as to why
this NG won't/can't/doesn't have guidelines I feel there must be some form
of control over this group to stop mature discussion


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Who are the beast fiends of True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns)?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

All Trew Kristyuns, funnyMENTALists, Grizian thugs, Pedrophiles and other
assorted Woohoo Wankers and Poopers.

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What are True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns)'s favourite bible verse?
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A new Trew Kristyun commandment I give unto you, That you luv one another as
long as they are Trew Kristyuns ... hunt out the other heretical buggers in
a Trew Kristyun Inquisition and burn them alive at the stake ... in Trew
Kristyun luv. - Mark 17:666 (MTV)

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How do True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns) discern if people are Trew
Kristyuns?
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They know who are True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns) by their plonk.

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What are True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns)'s favourite websites?
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True Christian Church
http://www.truechristian.com/index.html (Who's computer is this?)

Landover Baptist ...Unsaved Unwelcome!
http://www.landoverbaptist.org/ (Who's computer is this?)

Broomleigh Baptist Church
http://church.broomleigh.org/ (Who's computer is this?)

McChurch Tabernacle
http://www.mcchurch.com/ (Who's computer is this?)

Lark News - "A good source for Christian news"
http://larknews.com/ (Who's computer is this?)

Fundyland
http://fundyland.tripod.com/index.htm (Who's computer is this?)

Cheesy Jesus - Truly God awful stuff to buy
http://www.cheesyjesus.com/online-store/scstore/ (Who's computer is this?)

Robert Tilton Video
http://strange.timetrip.net/?entry=tilton (Who's computer is this?)

People Against Fun
http://www.panasonic.com/consumer_electronics/savesummer/paintdrying.asp (Who's computer is this?)

Christ's Love
http://www.christslove.com/cl1.htm (Who's computer is this?)

Bible Sex Stories
http://www.biblesexstories.com/ (Who's computer is this?)

Virtual Pox
http://www.virtualpox.net/ (Who's computer is this?)

Where's Christ?
http://www.fadetoblack.com/christ/christ2.htm (Who's computer is this?)

Jesus Dress up
http://www.jesusdressup.com/ (Who's computer is this?)

Watch Paint Dry
http://www.panasonic.com/consumer_electronics/savesummer/paintdrying.asp (Who's computer is this?)

The End Of The Internet
http://www.shibumi.org/eoti.htm (Who's computer is this?)

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Should one respond to rants by True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns)?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"It is not polite to greet someone who is making water or discharging his
bowels." (Erasmus in Colloquia). Therefore you may like to quote: The
bowels of the saints are refreshed by thee. - Philemon 7.

If one must correspond with these fools then it is advised that one answers
with the following Trew Kristyun Flame Template .....

**************************************************************************

Dear Trew Kristyun

Kissy kissy! Now you pucker up and greet me with a kiss. (Romans 6:16;
1Corinthians 16:20; 2 Corinthians13:12; I Thessalonians 5:26; 1 Peter 5:14.)

I am refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view. You make silence
a wonderful thing to look forward to. However I took exception to your
recent scribble

It was:
[X] backmasked with Satanic messages
[X] Pagan
[X] New Age
[X] unChristian
[X] Secular Humanist
[X] written in King James English
[X] written in tongues and did not include the interpretation

Your attention is drawn to the fact that:
[X] You flamed the Archbishop of Canterbury
[X] You flamed the Pope
[X] You flamed God
[X] You contradicted Jesus
[X] You contradicted yourself several times
[X] You mindlessly chanted the Pente Mantra several times
[X] You repeatedly assumed unwarranted spiritual, moral or intellectual
superiority

My informed, considered, rational and logical answer to your scribble is in
the acronyms:

[X] AWGTHTGTTSA
[X] DBEYR
[X] DILLIGAD
[X] DQYDJ
[X] FUBAR
[X] GIGO
[X] HUYA
[X] LSHHTCMS
[X] NRN
[X] PMF
[X] SITD
[X] SOI
[X] TAFL
[X] VI
[X] YGBK

I'd explain them to you, but your brain would explode.

It is recommended that you:
[X] Buy an indulgence from me.
[X] Send me a triple tithe.
[X] Do penance.
[X] Devote your life to missionary work in Iraq and Afghanistan.
[X] Start up a Christian Clown Ministry
[X] Start up a Kristyun Skool

QUESTIONS TO UNDERSTAND YOU BETTER:

[X] Jesus said in Matthew 5:42, "Give to him that asketh thee, and from
him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away." May I have your house
and car and may I borrow your most prized possession?
[X] Can I have your car after the Rapture?
[X] Have you ever sinned by eating rabbit, pork, shellfish (Leviticus 11:4,
7, 10)?
[X] Have you ever sinned by wearing clothes made of two types of material
(Leviticus 19:19; Deuteronomy 22:11)?
[X] Have you ever sinned by cutting your hair (Leviticus 19:27)?
[X] Were you in the special class at school?
[X] Are you from the shallow end of the gene pool?
[X] Do you want fries with that?

Please save this message and review it occasionally to determine your
progress toward being;

[X] a tolerable Trew Kristyun
[X] a fully-functional human being
[X] integrated into humanity
[X] re-integrated into the wild

If what you don't know can't hurt you, you're practically invulnerable.

Thank you for taking the time to read this flame form.

Remember: Always carry your Trew Kristyun Poop Stick ....Deuteronomy
23:12 -13 "You are to have a place outside the camp where you can go when
you need to relieve yourselves. Carry a stick as a part of your equipment,
so when you have a bowel movement you can dig a hole and cover it up."

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What prayers should be offered for a True Christian (aka Trew Kristyun) ?
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O Lord, this True Christian's posts are so dull that I think I must be dead.
But if it be, Lord, by your grace and favour, that I am not in fact dead -
merely stunned into mind-numbing oblivion by the overall tedium and general
inconsequentiality of the proceeedings - grant your servant this: grant that
this true Christian becomes 'called up yonder' to that 'place which you have
prepared for him / her' right away ... if that be not too forward a request,
of course.

Amen.

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How does one sing along with True Christians (aka Trew Kristyuns) ?
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

One must sing the True Christian (aka Trew Kristyun) Anthem ...

**********************************************************************

THE HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY SONG (by Ren & Stimpy)

Hello, boys and girls. This is your old pal, Stinky Wizzleteats. This is a
song about a whale. No! This is a song about being happy! That's right! It's
the Happy Happy Joy Joy song!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

I don't think you're happy enough! That's right! I'll teach you to be happy!
I'll teach your grandmother to suck eggs! Now, boys and girls, let's try it
again!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

If'n you aint the grandaddy of all liars! The little critters of nature...
They don't know that they're ugly! That's very funny, a fly marrying a
bumblebee! I told you I'd shoot! But you didn't believe me! Why didn't you
believe me?!

Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Happy Happy Joy Joy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Happy Happy
Happy Happy Joy Joy Joy!

from http://www.bitstorm.org/happyjoy/ (Who's computer is this?) where you can also listen to the
song and pretend its a Jesus Jingle.

Guitar tab at http://www.guitaretab.com/m/misc-television/26019.html (Who's computer is this?)

See a happy happy joy joy dog at
http://www.yourpetphotos.com/funpages/happyjoy.cfm (Who's computer is this?)

Get you happy happy joy joy! sticker at
http://www.stickergiant.com/page/sg/PROD/g438 (Who's computer is this?)

Buy the dvd at http://www.dvdtimes.co.uk/content.php?contentid=5718 (Who's computer is this?)

Buy happy happy joy joy action figures, toys, games and othjer kitsch at
http://www.entertainmentearth.com/c/Ren_&_Stimpy.html (Who's computer is this?)

Ren & Stimpy Information for Trew Kristyuns at
http://www.lysator.liu.se/~marcus/ren_stimpy/ (Who's computer is this?)

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Compiled during the True Christian Inquisition (aka Trew Kristyun
Inkwazishun) of 2004 .

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BEFORE RESPONDING TO THIS POST READ ....

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Peter Cameron "Fundamentalism and Freedom" (Doubleday; Sydney: 1995.)

p. 10 ff

[Fundamentalists] They will be fearful in the face of any challenge to their
security and brutal in their reaction; they will seek to bolster their
security by ersuading others of its validity.; and those others will be
persuaded ecause of their own increasing sense of insecurity in the modern
world. ...Fundamentalists need an enemy; an enemy both gives them their own
identity and unites them. ...they stand for nothing positive at all - simply
obedience to rules and the condemnation of those who break them. ... it is a
religion of fear which proceeds by intimidation. ... Fundamentalism ...
thrives on protective stupidity. ...fear in the face of any challenge to the
status quo; ... brutality in suppressing dissent;

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From Os Guiness "Fit Bodies, Fat Minds: Why Evangelicals don't think and
what to do about it" ( Baker Books; Grand Rapids:1994)

p. 143

A fourth misconception concerns the idea that thinking Christianly is a form
of uniformity - in other words, that if we all think Christianly we will all
think the same way. Whe this happens, the goal of thinking Christianly
collapses into a frantic search for the one particular correct way of
thinking or acting. The result is he fallacy of "particularism", the
uniformity of a particular "Christianly Correct" way of thinking.
...[particularism] denies two requirements of thinking Christianly that
oppose all uniformity: the importance of diversity and the fact of human
fallibility.

p. 143 - 144

For another thing, applying the idea of uniformity is disastrous because it
leads inevitably to legalsim and judgementalism. There is only a short and
easy step from "This is the Christian way" to "There is only one Christian
way" to "Anything different from this Christian way is not Christian" to
"All those who differ fom my way are not Christians".

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C Edward Baker "The Church's Neurosis & 20th Century Revelations" (Rider &
Co; London; 1975)

*[I have replaced his use of 'S. Paul" meaning Saint Paul with "St. Paul"
for easier reading.]

p. 37 - The writer of the Epistle of John said ' There is no fear in love,'
and that is true. It comes out very boldly in Jesus' story of the prodigal
son.

p. 38 - ...biblical fundamentalists. Their obscurantism and their inability
to look historical facts in the face mark them out as very insecure people
who need some outward token of infallible authority because they lack an
inner authority adequate to control their deep confusions and fears.
Psychotherapy constantly produces evidence that this narrowness of
view-point and tendency to bigotry covers an unfortunate tug-of-war between
instinctual drives and super-ego authority, issuing in obsessive symptoms.

p. 43 - Much of the urgency manifested by the church is prompted obviously
by fear, and not least fear of change.

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Robin Skinner & John Cleese "LIFE ...and how to survive it" - (Methuen;
London:1993)

p. 270 - 271

John: So a religious idea will be interpreted by a person in a way that fits
in best with their existing psychology?

Robin: Yes, and it can therefore support them in functioning at the best
level they're capable of, given their limitations. ... Well, take people
functioning at the least healthy level first. They'll understand religion
as a collection of rules, of rewards and punishments, of threats and
promises, all enfoced by a powerful and frightening God.

John: The extreme black-and-white thinking found in young children?

Robin: That's exactly what it is. The thinking of such people has got
stuck at that level, and though it's normal in a very young child, it's
obviously unhealthy in an adult.
...
John: And how is God experienced?

Robin: He's seen as a terrifying, domineering, bad-temprered dictator, who
wants everyone to spend heir time admiring him and telling him how
marvellous he is. ... So naturally people holding this view feel they have
to do lots of things to keep Him sweet, so that He won't get into a bad mood
and blast them with thunderbolts, or boils, or rivers of blood.


p. 287

John: Well, everything that you've been saying implies that
[Fundamentalism] is a manifestation of a fairly low level of mental health,
doesn't it? For a start, Fundamentalists call for a literal interpretation
of scripture, and as we saw when we were discussing secular values, focusing
in on the letter of the law is a characteristic of the less healthy. In
addition, wise people tend not to exhibit literal mindedness, so it seems
singularly inappropriate to assume that this is the vein in which great
spiritual teahers are speaking. Then again, whether we're talking about
Christianity, Islam, Judaism or Hinduism, the values of Fundamentalists seem
aimed at making themselves feel better by placing all negative and
destructive emotions in people with different beliefs, and enjoying the
golden glow of self-justification that results. ... You know that simile:
'As rare as a Fundamentalist who loves his enemy.' ... the Inquisition did
largely miss the point of 'Love Thy Neighbour', didn't they? Wasn't burning
heretics 'worse' than being tolerant towards them? ...


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Peter Cameron "Heretic" (Doubleday; Sydney: 1994)

p.18
One of the great services which Freud did was to draw attention to the
element of guilt and neurosis in religion.

p. 52
.. Christianity is a religion above all of freedom. Because freedom is a
prerequisite for everything else. You cannot love without freedom, you can
only have fear. You cannot have growth without freedom, you can only have
obedience. ... There is in fact a New Puritanism on the prowl in our
society, and it has to be resisted.

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God save me from your fundy fanatics!

A vomit of bible verses proves nothing.

"All things are probable. Try to believe." Mark 17:1 (MTV)

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My Testimony at
http://www.alt-christianlife.com/testimonials/mark_tindall.htm (Who's computer is this?)

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