Usenet Replayer



iso-8859-1


Path:  news2.ip-mobilphone.net ! NNTPLoader.ip-mobilphone.net ! text.usenetserver.com ! out01b.usenetserver.com ! news.usenetserver.com ! in04.usenetserver.com ! news.usenetserver.com ! in03.usenetserver.com ! news.usenetserver.com ! spln ! extra.newsguy.com ! newsp.newsguy.com ! not-for-mail
From:  "Avoid normal situations." <byend.removethisbityousillyperson@eskimo.com>
Newsgroups:  alt.flame
Subject:  The alt.flame FAQ
Date:  5 Apr 2008 22:02:21 GMT
Organization:  The Special Corps
Lines:  655
Message-ID:  <ft8std1mdv@enews4.newsguy.com>
NNTP-Posting-Host:  p64d2bfbfff000000783db10ac1c4ee5c6f9e8b186ec53c06c38513acb5b5e1c8.newsdawg.com
Mime-Version:  1.0
Content-Type:  text/plain; charset=ISO-8859-1
Content-Transfer-Encoding:  8bit
User-Agent:  tin/1.4.4-20000803 ("Vet for the Insane") (UNIX) (SunOS/4.1.4 (sun4m))
X-Received-Date:  Sat, 05 Apr 2008 17:03:06 EST (text.usenetserver.com)
Xref:  news2.ip-mobilphone.net alt.flame:397666


<MUSIC-TAG RECORDING_ARTIST=The Dust Brothers;TITLE=Stealing Fat>
.

i n f l a m e s w e t r u s t

.



) ( ( (
( ) () @@ ) (( (
( ( )( @@ ( )) ) (
( ( ( ()( /---\ (()( (
_______ ) ) )(@ !O O! )@@ ( ) ) )
< ____) ) ( ( )( ()@ \ o / (@@@@@ ( ()( )
/--| |( o| ( ) ) ((@@(@@ !o! @@@@(@@@@@)() (
| > \___| ) ( @)@@)@ /---\-/---\ )@@@@@()( )
| /---------+ (@@@@)@@@( // /-----\ \\ @@@)@@@@@( .
| | \ =========______/|@@@@@@@@@@@@@(@@@ // @ /---\ @ \\ @(@@@(@@@ . .
| \ \\=========------\|@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@ O @@@ /-\ @@@ O @@(@@)@@ @ .
| \ \----+--\-))) @@@@@@@@@@ !! @@@@ % @@@@ !! @@)@@@ .. .
| |\______|_)))/ . @@@@@@ !! @@ /---\ @@ !! @@(@@@ @ . .
\__========== * . @@ /MM /\O O/\ MM\ @@@@@@@. .
| |-\ \ ( . @ !!! !! \-/ !! !!! @@@@@ .
| | \ \ ) . . @@@@ !! !! .(. @. .. .
| | \ \ ( / .( . \)). ( |O )( O! @@@@ . ) .
| | / / ) ( )). (( .) !! ((( !! @@ (. ((. . .
| | / / () )) )) .( ( ( ) ). ( !! )( !! ) (( )) ..
| |_< / ( ) ( ( ) ) (( ) )).) ((/ | ( | \( )) ((. ).
____<_____\\__\__(___)_))_((_(____))__(_(___.oooO_____Oooo.(_(_)_)((_



The alt.flame FAQ - Copyright 1995(c) Castle Anthrax Productions.
All rights reserved. All factual errors at least gotten wrong with
feeling ((tm) Stephen King, 1985). Last updated 1/6/05.

Submissions welcome but not necessarily used. Credit will be given to
anyone whose material is used, but will be made anonymous should the
submitter so desire.

Large parts of this FAQ were originally written by Mark "Bubbles"
Brownell. I'd give him proper accreditation, but he's a fuckhead, so
I won't. Comments of his in the original document that were (a)
current then but now obsolete, (b) spurred by his general egomania,
and (c) the direct result of the occasional swellings of his phallus
deleted in the interest of quality control and good taste.

This is a biased report. ((tm) Harlan Ellison)

----
Contents
----

Dedication
Introduction
1. What is alt.flame?
2. What are the usual traps set for newbies?
3. What does "spank" mean?
3a. Why all the false spank claims if this FAQ has been around for so many
years?
4. This newsgroup sucks. Why is that?
4a. If this newsgroup sucks, why should I read it and/or post here?
4b. What about the lousy reputation alt.flame has with the rest of the net?
4c. But if this is as good as it gets, why are you all so boring?
5. Wasn't alt.flame a lot more funny/entertaining/pointed in the old
days?
6. How do I flame?
6a. Should I avoid writing "you all suck" posts?
7. Could you all send flames to this person?
8. What is the alt.flame theme song?
9. I am a TO3DULL3 3L1T3 PHL@M3R D00D. Don't you agree?
9a. But won't I become known as a K3WL D00D if I just stick around long
enough?
10. What are some of the urban myths of alt.flame that aren't true?
11. Miscellaneous musings
12. What is the meaning of life?

----
Dedication
----

This frequently asked questions file is dedicated to the memory of Kitty
Genovese, whose untimely death and circumstances thereof were a perfect
example of why people should be flamed.

----
Introduction
----

This is a good newsgroup for you if you possess what Duncan Shepherd calls
"the surrealist's love of pure gratuitous sensation".

---

1. What is alt.flame?

A forum to flame and be flamed.

What alt.flame is NOT:

-> a crossposting receptacle for every stupid/endless argument on the
net
-> a place to test your newsgroup bombs

2. What are the usual traps set for newbies?

Beware of sneaky followups set to misc.test and alt.fan.dall-agata.ctl.

3. What does "spank" mean?

It means "to forcibly eject, usually from alt.flame". Sometimes a
person loses net.access due to repeated and pronounced improper
conduct (cf. Wilf LeBlanc, the infamous Abernathy). Sometimes a person
is so badly humiliated that he has no choice but to turn and run,
gathering the scraps of his dignity as he flees, not to return, if
ever, for weeks... sometimes months. This event is widely considered a
defeat, and is usually followed by screams of "SPANK!", semantic
equivalents of same, and much derisive laughter.

Flamers relate to spanking the same way that teenagers relate to
sex. Teenagers *do* actually have sex, but they talk about it and
claim to have done it far more often than it actually happens. Very
rarely does a high- or medium-volume poster stop posting for longer
than a few days without somebody, usually one with little credibility
in doing so, claiming to have spanked him. Therefore, it's not unusual
for discourse on alt.flame to go something like this:

Flamer #1: You guys all suck. I'm leaving.
The rest of alt.flame: SPANK!!!
Flamer #2: G'bye everyone, I'm off for the summer. See you in September.
The rest of alt.flame: SPANK!!!
Flamer #3: I have a business trip this weekend, so I'll not be posting for
a few days. Goodbye, wankers. Cheerio!
The rest of alt.flame: SPANK!!!
Flamer #4: I've been given a slow-acting poison. My doctor tells me I
only have forty-eight hours to live. You are among the finest souls I have
ever known. Tell Denise I love her...
The rest of alt.flame: SPANK!!!

So it goes. ((tm) Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.)

A further elaboration on spanking, written by Spark the Heretic and edited
a touch by yours truly:

[ begin included text ]

Two truths in flaming, life, etc...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
1) Surviving and winning are two radically different concepts, even in
combat...just ask the Germans who survived WWII.

2) Even when spanked, some folks always come back for more. That does
not deny the previous fact of the spank having once occurred.

'kay...got those precepts down now?

Here comes the hard part.

You can easily claim a spank if your target:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@ leaves usenet/the newsgroup/etc. of his/her own volition, and as a
result of humiliation inflicted. This is open to wide interpretation, as
folks with real lives do leave usenet for periods of time. The usual
time period before one can claim a spank is one week, to allow for
server disparities, article loss, and other vagrancies of the internet.
A indisputable sign of a spank is when a poster leaves your group, but
continues to post elsewhere and can be traced by all interested parties.

@ gets TOS'ed (TOaSted, if you will).

@ changes identity and tries to return to usenet under false pretenses.
ie: Your target gets a new ISP and doesn't give a single hint as to
their past in the group, then claims to be a newbie. They will also lie
profusely when caught, until evidence shows otherwise.

@ posts an "I'm leaving!" post then disappears.

[ end included text ]

3a. Why all the false spank claims if this FAQ has been around for so many
years?

One of the reasons that _Taxi Driver_ is one of the greatest motion
pictures ever made, besides that Martin Scorsese is one of the only filmmakers
in history to have highly stylised visuals *and* proper attention paid to the
acting, or that it's basically Robert Bresson's _Diary of a Country
Priest_ in modern dress, is its illustration of that most common yet
undernoticed human problem; it's the story of an ordinary man driven bugshit
by the evident meaningless of existence. People far more intelligent,
enlightened, resourceful, name it than Travis Bickle have been destroyed by
this... that oh-so-terrible knowledge of the *lack* of knowledge.

Look all around you. Men and women kill themselves to keep their jobs,
even though their masters will work them until they're too old and infirm
to work, then discard them... ruin themselves with narcotics, illicit and
otherwise, and pile up incredible credit card debts... shout over who's
better, Republican or Democrat, when the differences between the two
parties are negligible... and cry "SPANK!" on alt.flame about any given
opponent on the weakest of rationales, and will pull the most indefensible
and stupid stunts just to gain some sort of recognition, or to convince
themselves that they're one millimeter higher on the pecking order than
some other bloke.

To quote the closing line of another of the greatest of films: "Madness...
madness!"

(Also because claiming spank on somebody often really gets his goat. *evil
grin* )

[ begin included text ]

From: "Romaar" <Romaar@inconnect.com>
Subject: FEH!!! Was: Re: Oh, Romaaaaar! Hope you're hungry - got some crow for ya WAS: Re: Joes' nose
Date: 1997/01/04
Message-ID: <01bbfa23$75a57e40$2488e4cc@romaar.xmission.com>#1/1
references: <01bbefe9$264cb3c0$8088e4cc@romaar.xmission.com> <32c26607.33611237@news.earthlink.net> <01bbf051$77f3bc60$0988e4cc@romaar.xmission.com> <32bff440.70025358@news.earthlink.net> <01bbf0ae$9769f520$8588e4cc@romaar.xmission.com> <32c0b1ca.118554961@news.earthlink.net> <01bbf11e$68dc46c0$7988e4cc@romaar.xmission.com> <32cf2ffb.210825919@news.earthlink.net> <E3GCMw.EuL@nonexistent.com>
organization: XMission Internet (801 539 0900)
newsgroups: alt.flame,alt.current-events.net-abuse.spam



Lysander Spooner <buchanan@gate.cybernex.net> wrote in article
<E3GCMw.EuL@nonexistent.com>...
On Fri, 03 Jan 1997 16:51:02 GMT, mommadillo@earthlink.net (Joltin'
Joe) wrote:

It's now the third of January. I have yet to see responses
from Romaar on ANY of the threads in which we were involved before he
took his oh-so-convenient "vacation" - sure appears to me that I can
carve yet another notch in my paddle.

SPANK!


Wow! Are you still here? I'm glad I took the time to check
alt.current-events.net-abuse.spam before turning in - I might have missed
this post altogether!

At the risk of deflating your vastly over-inflated ego, let me state
for the record that you did not, and never shall be able to, spank me. I
have not followed up "on ANY of the threads in which we were involved" not
because I was intimidated by your scathing wit and verocity; quite to the
contrary. To tell the truth, after spending a thoroughly entertaining
Christmas and New Year with family, friends, and collegues, you were the
furthest thing from my mind, Joe - in fact, during the last 10 days I have
not thought even ONCE of you (try not to pout or throw a tantraum...).

What a pompous, arrogant ass you are! Did you actually think I would
spend my holidays fuming over your pathetic attempts to flame me? Did you
think I would spend my time plotting and planning my revenge, anxiously
counting down the hours until I could get back to my computer and pummel
you with my indignant fury? What an over-inflated sense of self-importance
you have! Joe - you are truly a weasel; you are not my enemy, as you have
never done me any harm. You are not my friend, not a collegue, co-worker,
or underling. Your presence in this world fails to even envoke within me a
feeling of contempt, pity, or disgust. You don't even rank a passing
thought with me, Joe, until I venture into USENET and see one of your
pathetic posts in one of my newsgroups. To put it simply Joe - you are just
not that important.

I would not have even gotten the portion of your post quoted at the
beginning of this post if Lysander hadn't responded to it, as I have my
news browser set to delete all posts more than 4 days old. If I find
something that I want to keep, I click on "save file"; otherwise, it is so
much fodder for the bit-bucket. As your post was a follow-up to a post from
way back BEFORE Christmas (before CHRISTMAS! Heh heh heh...), it doesn't
show up on my computer in ANY of the groups you cross-posted to.
Doubtlessly, I have missed many scathing flames from you in the past
several days; however, with everything I have going on around me in my
life, getting to spend ANY time on USENET is a luxury. Perhaps you should
have sent me an email, (romaar@xmission.com - remember?) alerting me to the
fact you were still anxiously awaiting my return; I'm a charitible fellow -
I'm SURE I could have spared a few moments to fill the void that is your
life with my charming wit and wisdom. (By the way, after reading Lysanders
post I went back through the posts in alt.flame to see what I'd "missed". I
caught the tail-end of P-38 disclosing to the world that you are nothing
more than a REFORMED net-cop; allow me to state emphatically that you are,
indeed, one of the BIGGEST hipocrits that I have EVER encountered on the
'net.) I notice that you post quite often; it must tear at your very soul
to know you have NO LIFE outside of your computer.

The only area that you are even CLOSE to being proficient at is
"trolling"; in this one singular area, you excell.

Give it up, you loser. Nothing you can do - nothing you can say - will
EVER be able to cause me to try to avoid you; your cries of "SPANK!" are
nothing more than you trying to hide the knowledge that you are, indeed,
less than nothing. You are like a mosquito; at the VERY worst, a mild
annoyance - but oh-so-easily slapped down...

Do your worst, Junior; your last posts ( ...and your pathetic
attempts at "flaming" contained therin... ) that I passed around the office
before Christmas were a HUGE hit!

Romaar@xmission.com

--------------
Pursuant to US Code, Title 47, Chapter 5, Subchapter II, §227,
any and all nonsolicited commercial E-mail sent to this address
is subject to a download and archival fee in the amount of $500
US. E-mailing denotes acceptance of these terms.

[ end included text ]

(In all my years of Usenet flaming, I have never seen a purer example than
the above of somebody footstamping like it was going out of style over being
declared spanked. Sheeeeeeesh!)

4. This newsgroup sucks. Why is that?

Because of you. Yes, you. This newsgroup is full of people who
whine about the crap/wit ratio but who are unwilling or unable (usually
the latter) to contribute in a positive manner. It's the posts, stupid!

More seriously... inspiration is a very sometime-oneatime thing, and
you're not likely to produce a cunning, cutting flame just by, say,
force of will. We all just keep bumping into that invisible wall that
is the limit of human capability, not unlike how flies keep bumping
into windows because they just can't grasp the concept of "glass"...
and we H. sapiens folks just aren't as smart or as creative as we
like to think we are.

Another problem is that, just as smart kids are often pariahs in high
school, and just as fat chicks hate cute blondes, people with obvious
virtue are usually despised by those who lack it. Therefore, on that
rare occasion that somebody who has two neurons to rub together
sidles into our fair newsgroup, he'll often get some of the worst treatment
(e.g. A Hideously Aggressive BFG outflaming the dickens out of everybody
from late summer of 1993 through early 1994, and subsequently getting
obsessed over by Henley Sean Quadling, cravenly ignored by Mark "Bubbles"
Brownell, phone-called at 3 AM by Bob Haushalter, etc.). As in so many
other walks of life, if you can excel, you may do so, but oftentimes at
your peril. Sad but true.

Do not forget, however, that you should all enjoy this period of sucking
while it lasts.

Yes, you read that right. And I mean it sincerely. Everybody and his
brother is getting on the internet, and it's only a matter of time before
we get some serious wheat on this group along with the chaff. To paraphrase
Francis Ford Coppola, some fat 12-year-old girl is gonna come along, discover
Usenet on one of the Macintoys in the lab of her public school, and turn
out to be the Mozart of flaming. At that point, all the illusions you losers
have cherished for so long in which you're the baaaaaaaddest flamer on the
net will be swept away as she spanks half to two-thirds of the denizenry of
a.f. off the group, and you'll be glad to give anything in the world to
be bored again like you are now.

4a. If this newsgroup sucks so much, why should I read it and/or post here?

After the Dred Scott decision in 1857, when that paragon of justice *cough*
the U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a slave had absolutely no rights, the
prominent American statesman Abraham Lincoln remarked: "As a nation, we began
by declaring that all men are created equal. We now practically read it, 'All
men are created equal, except Negroes.' Soon, it will read, 'All men are
created equal, except Negroes, and foreigners, and Catholics.' When it comes to
this I should prefer emigrating to some country where they make no pretense
of loving liberty... to Russia, for instance, where despotism can be taken
pure, and without the base alloy of hypocrisy."

In theory, the 'net is a wonderful thing: a living, breathing dialectic
where the clash of ideas is unfettered, a seething cauldron where ignorance,
lies, popular misconceptions, and similar claptrap are mercilessly boiled away
to reveal the truth... where no amount of money or panache will support you
for long if you tell people that two and two equal five. (Hear that, Mr.
Limbaugh?) In practice, it's overrun by fools who need to feel like they're
some sort of elite or in-crowd or whatever (cf. the movie _Dangerous
Liaisons_). Discussions about European politics, Windows NT, 4x4 automobiles,
and the meaning of life are cheerfully set aside in favor of what primarily
interests humans: pulling their own puds, and bashing other humans. Some
anthropologist probably has a neat-sounding scientific term for this
phenomenon; I like to call it The Lord of the Flies Syndrome. There's no
collective of human beings, on the net or off, which does not exhibit this
behavior.

Here on alt.flame, we do this sort of thing in earnest without any pretense.
Not only are the proceedings here cathartic and often riotously funny, but
from them one can learn to laugh at such things instead of being shocked or
disappointed or having some similarly naive reaction.

If this does not suit you, you always, of course, have the option of
abandoning alt.flame and taking up nobler pursuits... let's say, finding a
cure for cancer, so that people can run their power games on each other
longer, or creating priceless works of art, so they can sit among the
countless other priceless works of art in museums that people really really
keep meaning to go see and "appreciate"... but which they never do because
they're too busy sitting at home watching television. It's up to you.

4b. What about the lousy reputation alt.flame has with the rest of the net?

What about it? As bad as we are at flaming, we are still, in general, better
than most other people. If Joe User could do what we can do, he'd be here
doing it. But he can't.
I would suggest that the main reason, really, is that we represent an aspect
of the human condition about which most people really don't want to know...
and human beings are notorious for claiming to want the truth, but actually
desiring only to have pre-set beliefs confirmed.

4c. But if this is as good as it gets, why are you all so boring?

Most people are boring in real life, too. It's a relative thing.

5. Wasn't alt.flame a lot more funny/entertaining/pointed in the old
days?

This idea has been floated many, many times on alt.flame... usually
by some oldbie (read: spankee) who wanted everyone to believe that some
sort of almighty elite ruled the nest in the old days who were all bored
away for good by hordes of prolific yet microcephalic newbies (so he could
be mistaken for part of this Imperial Guard, of course). The disinterring
by Google of almost all of Usenet... and, thus, almost all the old posts of
alt.flame, and even net.flame... has killed this idea stone dead. Numerous
people have gone surfing down the freshly built memory lane, and all
subsequent reports boil down to two letters: P and U.

6. How do I flame?

This is a little like saying, "How do I make love?" Most people have
done it at one time or another, everyone knows the basics, and it's
quite easy to just do it... but to do it well is something else again.

This matter is highly subjective, to say the least. However, you're
best advised to avoid the following:

-> answer with a phrase that boils down to "I know you are, but what
am I", e.g.:

Flamer 1: Do you have a Jerry Lewis poster on your bedroom wall?
Flamer 2: No, I'm not going to steal your decor ideas.

This kind of flame is called "the Pee Wee", after a famous scene
in the movie _Pee-wee's Big Adventure_. From this were begat the
numerous references on this group to Mr. Reubens's dear departed
alter ego.

-> point out errors in the poster's spelling and/or grammar.
-> semirandomly string together obscenities involving your opponent's
immediate family and sexual acts that are illegal in some states.
-> flame by e-mail.
-> e-mail someone's sysop for something he said in alt.flame.

This sort of practice is called "net.copping". It is frowned upon
strongly, and as such should only be done when really necessary,
e.g. when alt.flame is being post-bombed, or some luser is
cancelling others' articles and trying to make it look like an
innocent party did it.

-> apologize.
-> post from an anon account (unless you like being called a coward).
-> whine if people ignore you.
-> use a killfile (except on former and present HFW members and
alt.flamenetters).
-> repost pages of unedited previous material, only to respond with
a one-line comment at the bottom.... or, worse, at the top.

Once in a great while, somebody comes up with a variation on one or
more these themes that is actually funny or appropriate. The odds are
against it, however, since they've been used about a million billion
times before.

In conclusion, the standing policy on this group (or at least what it
should be) vis-a-vis flaming instructions is, basically, General George
S. Patton's dictum about commanding: "Never tell your subordinates how
to do something. Tell them *what* to do, and they will surprise you
with their ingenuity."

Let 'er rip, boys and girls. Your 15 minutes of fame hang in the
balance.

6a. Should I avoid writing "you all suck" posts?

"You all suck" posts are not only on-topic on alt.flame, but appropriate.
You do, after all, all suck.

7. Could you all send flames to this person?

You loathsome little bastard. We flamers do not post here to become
pawns in somebody else's little power-fucks. In short... do your own dirty
work.

But...

If you're willing to pay handsomely via PayPal or another net.cash
service, however... well, it's not to my knowledge been done before,
but, given the frequent general boredom and hunger for fresh targets
of the finer posters, it would surprise me very little if one of more
of us did mercenary work from time to time. Crazier things have happened
here.

8. What is the alt.flame theme song?

Many songs have been suggested for this honour (Jerry Lee Lewis's
"Great Balls of Fire", The Church's "Spark", many other tunes having
something to do with combustion), but the most appropriate is The
Pixies' "Debaser", even though the Luis Bunuel fans on this newsgroup
can be counted on the fingers of one hand.
"If You Love Somebody, Set Them On Fire" by The Dead Milkmen is also
a strong candidate.

9. I am a TO3DULL3 3L1T3 PHL@M3R D00D. Don't you agree?

No.

9a. But won't I become known as a K3WL D00D if I just stick around long
enough?

Not necessarily. Look at Hannigan and Kevin Walsh.

10. What are some of the urban myths of alt.flame that aren't true?

"It's filled with interesting people."

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA! I WIN! I WIN!!!!"

"If you post here a thousand times a day, people will think that
you are really K00L!"

11. Miscellaneous musings

i. Subdivisions

One of the more interesting phenomena on alt.flame is the net.equivalent
of a process often seen in real life... for lack of a better word, "natural
segregation". Flamers tend to form into sub-groups as some follow certain
threads and others ignore them (cf. the tendency of the Norwegians and other
European blabbermouths to be seen almost exclusively in their own threads).
One could argue that this is hierarchical. One could also argue that the
groups are not ranked but merely separate, suggesting that we could one day
have a sort of civil war between rival factions. (This has sort of already
happened, but I consider HFW to be non-native to a.f...)

ii. On War

It continues to amuse me that every generation of flamers seems to want
its very own war with another newsgroup... even if they have to start it
themselves, which is never a good idea. (Personally, I like the Roman
Republic's policy: "Only just wars" (wish to hell I could remember its Latin
phrasing)). To make things worse, said aggressors always pick a newsgroup
moneyback-guaranteed not to be able to put up much of a fight (e.g. alt.alien.
vampire.flonk.flonk, alt.flame.niggers), then act like they're the toughest
men on the planet when the inevitable victory occurs.
To use the product of centuries of human intellect and ingenuity and
technological progress to live out your long-suppressed fantasies of being
the local bully is an autoflame beyond your wildest imaginings. The idea
of flaming a bunch of racist twits (cue _The Blues Brothers_; "I hate
Illinois Nazis") has some appeal, but this sort of practise (a) rapidly
becomes not unlike beating up somebody's grandmother, (b) very frequently
results in an even higher than normal widely-crossposted-crap quotient, and
(c) makes any points that the opposition scores even more embarrassing (cf.
Peter Miller getting netcopped off the group for a while by the a.f.n.
boneheads).
To conclude with a more general point... the Internet is neither your nor
anyone else's Utopia, no matter what the folks at Radio Shack told you. As
long as you take a passive role (e.g. whining about all the bad posts whilst
contributing nothing) instead of an active one (posting quality, encouraging
quality, and discouraging crap)... as long as you are motivated mainly by
your own pride (staging bullshit newsgroup invasions to flame easy targets,
posting an "I'm Dead" troll because you didn't get the acclaim that you think
you deserve, switching sides in a flamewar and pretending as loudly as
possible that your new side is The Elite in the hopes of having people
mistake *you* for elite) instead of basic ('net) ethics and your own sense of
aesthetics... you will continue to be a loser. On the Internet, and off. No
matter what kind of short-term success you may believe you have, or even what
kind you *actually* have. I'm sure you've all heard that O.J. Simpson got off,
but don't expect to see him on "Hollywood Squares" or "The Love Connection"
anytime soon, if you know what I mean...

iii. The Joy of the Spank

There's nothing like a fine horror film. There's nothing like ejaculating
into a good woman. And there's nothing like a real spank.
By unspoken convention, alt.flame is not really serious, and many
participants exchange friendly chatter and fan mail behind the scenes.
Many have even met in real life, and some, it's rumored, have even slept
together. Once in a while, however, somebody proves himself SERIOUSLY rude, or
classless, or even (okay, I'll dare to use the term) evil. Very frequently,
such a person will Get It in a big way.
There's nothing quite like the feeling you get when your muse gives you
just the right dose of inspiration... and you make the clauses go just your
way... and you really open up your flamethrower to full aperture on some
deserving creep. The arguments about who's spanked will go on until the end
of Usenet itself, and much of this "flame" stuff is awfully subjective...
but when the fan mail comes in saying "hahaha" or "yay" or even "WOW."...
and your opponent disappears from the net.landscape, as if (heh) in a puff
of smoke... you know that you've won. The feeling is ugly, if you don't
consider yourself a very assaultive person... but it's satisfying in a
visceral way. You are never quite the same afterwards. Every humiliation
which stands in your way can be swept aside by the simple act of
annihilation ((tm) Dario Argento, 1982).

iv. Why We Suck

The real tragedy of alt.flame is that most of the regulars don't really
want it to get any better.
Ours is a society that celebrates mediocrity. Really exceptional
contributions and contributors tend to be forgotten overnight, while those
who really sucked seem to be remembered forever. The reiterations of
"AnAlFaCe", the meaningless cascades, the lovingly emulated^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^H
parodied "acts" of Dobbs, Palmer, et al. are posted twenty times a day...
and Menjy and Boyd told Tim Thorne that he was plonked for life... and they
had to keep telling him... and telling him... and telling him.

12. What is the meaning of life?

Huh?

)
) (( (
( )) )
) ) // (
_ ( __ ( ~->>
,-----' |__,_~~___<'__`)-~__--__-~->> <
| // : | -__ ~__ o)____)),__ - '> >- >
| // : |- \_ \ -\_\ -\ \ \ ~\_ \ ->> - , >>
| // : |_~_\ -\__\ \~'\ \ \, \__ . -<- >>
`-----._| ` -__`-- - ~~ -- ` --~> >
_/___\_ //)_`// | ||] ________
_____[_______]_[~~-_ (.L_/ || _________( )____
[____________________]' `\_,/'/ O ( _ )_
||| / ||| ,___,'./ _ (_ \ \/ / |_| / \ /\ || _)
||| \ |||,'______| (_) (_ \/\/ | | \_/ /--\ .. )
||| / /|| I==|| (______ ________)
||| \ __/_|| __||__ (_________)
-----||-/------`-._/||-o--o---o---
~~~~~'




)
( ( (
) ( ))
( )//
_ ) )) __
,-----' | (( <'__`) ________________
| // : | ) #o)#: )) ,' `.
| // : | )/ \###' ____/ Maybe it's best \
| // : | ,###. `-._ to stay out of this, |
`-----._| __ ####### \ though! /
_/___\_ //)_`// | ||] `.________________,'
_____[_______]_[~~-_ (.L_/ ||
[____________________]' `\_,/'/
||| / ||| ,___,'./
||| \ |||,'______|
||| / /|| I==||
||| \ __/_|| __||__
-----||-/------`-._/||-o--o---o---
~~~~~'

--
alt.flame Special Forces
"People ask, 'Where do you get your ideas?'... Usually what I say is Utica, I
get my ideas in Utica." -- Stephen King



Where you can get the newsgroup alt.flame