--How do you choose the subject for your posts?

I generally write the post first and then go back to
the subject. I try to write a subject line that is relevant
to the content of the post. In this case, I wrote the
subject first, because I knew beforehand what I wanted to
write about. A lot of times I just write without any prior
intention, at least none that registers consciously.


--Are you a lady in distress?

No, I am not. Anyone who considers me "rescuable" is
clearly flattering themselves with the delusion that s/he
could be the person to "rescue" me.


--Do you drink too much?

I do. I drink quite a bit, actually. I like to start
drinking after my tea in the morning. Sometimes in lieu of
tea, especially when I'm drinking the hard stuff. You see, I
feel good when I drink, and when I don't drink, I feel
inadequate. I agree this is a self-esteem issue, but there
are some other factors.


--What other factors are involved in your drinking?

Well, if my life is going poorly, I want to drown my
sorrows. If my life is going well, I want to celebrate. It
is really the day-to-day living that I need to get a hold
on. I think that when I start working this will be easier.


--Do you listen to the radio?

I do. Sometimes.


--Why do you post to alt.angst?

I found this place in 1999, around April. I thought
it was the coolest place I had ever been, reality
notwithstanding. People here weren't happy with the world.
That was something unusual around 1999. Things were really
taking off in the computer/internet world. Everyone my age
was supposed to be employed by some dot.com and they were
supposed to have stock options and they were supposed to be
happy. I wasn't happy and I was doing the most awesome
research, involving human brains and suicide. I mean, if I
personally designed the perfect research project for me, I
couldn't come up with something better. Yet I wanted to be
one of the brains being investigated. I tried to be one of
the brains being investigated. Things were bad and this
place welcomes people like that, especially rational
thinkers. I try to think rationally, but not about my life.
This place is perfect for me.


--What is the difference between a regular triathalon and an
"Ironman" triathalon?

I don't know.


--Why do you care?

Well, the AA chick who goes to my gym was having a
conversation with the trainer about doing a triathalon, and
I once had an "Ironman" Timex watch.


--So you go to AA?

I have gone a few times. I'm not really into this
abstinence thing. It is a problem for me, because I want to
go to AA meetings drunk. I'm so much more sociable and
expressive when I'm drunk, and I'm really looking to AA as a
place to make friends. I would like to have some friends
that do not drink. It might be good for me.


--You have a penchant for honesty?

Yes. Some people see this as a weakness, but I would
bet those are the people who wouldn't dare be as honest
about themselves as I am about myself. I love being honest.
It makes me feel clean. Some people get catharsis through
confession in a religious sense. I get it on the internet. I
confess to all my innermost feelings and motivations. Some
people use this against me, but they suck. How unusual.


--Do you ascribe validity to a religious authority?

No, I absolutely do not.


--Why do you care about honesty then? Absolutism is a
religious idea...

I'm caring less and less. I've started lying and I
thoroughly enjoy the experience. It's as good as telling the
truth. The same rush.


--So the truth/lies dichotomy (maybe false?) is a "high" for
you?

Yes. I love truth and lies. I fucking love it. I
want to tell truthful lies and lying truths, I love it all,
and I hope it's a false dichotomy, for an added dimension of
truthfulness and lying. I'm wet.


--But why all the details of your life and thought process?
Do you think you can be excessive with truth and lies?

No, I don't.