==========================================================================
THE... _.
_/, \,
_/, . \,
_/, ./ \. \,
, ./ \. \,
___ _/ ./ \. \
~-_~\ / ./ In This \ \,
Y,`\,/ Style `Y `Y
/~ \ \ 10/6 _-~` `\
Y Y~\\~-_~\ _-`` ___,;
/~~ ~-~~~--- Y _-` _-~~~
! ;\ | ~~~~~Y,/` /~
\.~ / ~~-~~ \, /`
/ `| ~~-~\ \`
:,---\ ;~~----~\ -_`Y
~-_. Y | \,|
ONIDEUS MAD HATTER FAQ ~\---| |` ascii by
,/~-_ Y_-~`-/,~~`\, some
new version 7.0! 7 O ((( O O / , \. nobody
|_-~| ~-___/ /\ \, who can
/ Y \, Y` `\_--_\ go
/ Y~Y \./ (_--__) straight
Y /` \ \, \_--_> to hell
_______ / \ ;______`-______\-____|__| ...
/===`\,`\` \~~~~~D /=~_.,,\ TO
~~~~<;_/ ~ \~`~~~<-~~~~--> \\\\ HELL!

~----~~
==========================================================================
"Read the FAQ? Fuck I *AM* the FAQ!"
==========================================================================

This FAQ is not merely a collection of vague questions about Onideus Mad
Hatter, but a gateway to incoherent, misleading knowledge about him. We
hope that you are enlightened, slightly disgruntled, and just a tad vexed.


==========================================================================
Contents
==========================================================================

1x1 - Farfoos
1x2 - What The Hell Is A 'Farfoos'?
1x3 - Just Who *IS* Onideus Mad Hatter, Anyhow?
1x4 - Where Is The Onideus Mad Hatter Fan Club now?

2x2 - Onideus Mad Hatter's Favorite Quotes About Him
2x3 - Onideus Mad Hatter Fan Club Information
2x4 - Obligatory Top Ten List
2x5 - Ways Onideus Mad Hatter Has Been "Insulted"

3x3 - An AOL IM Chat Room Excerpt With Onideus Mad Hatter
3x4 - Interview With The Now Net.Dead Loser Brad Turncoat...Er I Mean Turcotte

4x4 - The End
4x5 - Closing Notes


==========================================================================
1x1 - Farfoos
==========================================================================
Onideus Mad Hatter's friends, as a species, are a very odd and interesting
group. However, being friends with a person of his fame, power and raw
sexuality can be bothersome to say the least. Continually being pestered
for information, personal items, pictures or any Onideus Mad Hatter
artifact just plain starts to get on their nerves after awhile; so with
suggestion from his friends, Onideus Mad Hatter has hired a team of
severely overpaid writers to construct this Frequently Asked Questions
file, otherwise known as a FAQ, to answer all the questions you will now
never need to bother his friends about.

Okay, I lie, I have no net.friends, at least not any that would actually
acknowledge as such. Because when you get right down to it, friends are
only enemies that don't have the guts to kill you...online anyway.

In this FAQ you will find a plethora of religious propaganda, Star Wars
trivia and various sorts of merchandising bricker brack. You are
encouraged to freely offer up your soul to Onideus Mad Hatter, scoff at
the useless trivia and buy the merchandise...collect em all! There are
no other instructions for this FAQ other than to read from left to right
and then down a line then repeat...or if you're feeling ambitious you
can try and decipher the secret code I embedded deep within. It's so
deep even *I* can't find it at this point!

-Onideus Mad Hatter


==========================================================================
1x2 - What The Hell Is A 'Farfoos'?
==========================================================================

You taint the very nature of intelligence by not knowing!


==========================================================================
1x3 - Just Who *IS* Onideus Mad Hatter, Anyhow?
==========================================================================

Onideus Mad Hatter is part antichrist, mostly God, a dash of
insidiousness...and generally speaking 8 shades of ass blistering
reality coupled with a few sharp bitch slaps of hard biting sarcasm.
Slurp it, suck it, I know you all like it.

Onideus Mad Hatter is the evil reincarnation of the now net.dead Brad
Turcotte. Don't ask, nobody cares about the 2 year net.stiffy who
stole my identity and then traveled back in time to try and claim he
was me...or I was him...er...*scratches head*...sermthin.

Onideus Mad Hatter lives in the interstice between reality and oblivion.
He spends most of his time terrorizing communities, bragging about his
incredible greatness, socially engineering the masses and starting giant
projects that currently require more starting capital than he's willing
to invest.

Onideus Mad Hatter works in strange and questionable ways, but we are
convinced that if not an actual deity he is at least entertaining
(especially when he talks about himself in the third person) and of
course, as they say in French, "Tres mal, non?"


==========================================================================
1x4 - Where Is The Onideus Mad Hatter Fan Club Now?
==========================================================================

"I *ATE* IT! *BURP*"

A long time ago, in a newsgroup just like this one, the invasion began.
The immensely unnoticed 'alt.alien.vampire.flonk.flonk.flonk' newsgroup
fell under the dark and ruthless control of the Onideus Mad Hatter Fan
Club. The former occupants struggled unwillingly (just as Onideus likes
them to) but over the course of, oh it must have been at least 2 or 3
days, he justly conquered them. At one point they desperately tried to
vote him off the island, but Onideus would have none of it and quickly
killed them all off the island!

Grumpus(tm) as approved by Mad Hatter reigned in this newsgroup
and indeed several others which were targeted for the Fan Club's
amusement. But soon the one week anniversary arrived and as the
beginning of a tradition, the Fan Club moved on to another unsuspecting
newsgroup.

"and then on September 11th moved to the also immensely popular
alt.thinking.hurts for more terror, destruction and, well, more terror
I guess."
-Brad Turcotte (9/11 terrorist organizer)


==========================================================================
2x2 - Onideus Mad Hatter's Favorite Quotes About Him
==========================================================================

"take it from me, God is one mean sumbitch. But just admit it, so are
you."

"Retards. Can't even hold a candle to Mad Hatter, (teh officull wrost
falmer in all usenet!)"

"Funny, mean BUT funny..."

"Because I followed him from elsewhere and don't want him to keep
screwing up places."

"You guys do know he's right don't you??? Just checking"

"He'll continue to be a flame-festing dillhole, because the only thing
he wants to do is disrupt, and he doesn't care about the community at
large."

"This guy trolls the internet for "fights" and entertains himself by
running scams, creating controversy and starting/fanning flame wars."

"Anyone remember the "MadD Hatter" threads from rtl? (comments about
Brickshelf, Lugnet, etc.) Remember all the controversy and bitterness
fostered in a never ending flame war?"

"Many people swar off rtl due to the unregulated animosity (although I
hesitate to give him that much credit)"

"I don't think we deserve the angry side of you."

"Would you give cancer or a terrorist a second chance? Don't fall for
plastic sentiment, faux remorse, and hollow words..."

"Personally, I think you're laughing up your sleeve."

"What about the people that was hurt by you?"

"To discuss this with Mad any further is to court the devil with
flowers and wine... a monumental mistake."

"Well, uh, I have to admit, if some of the posts he made were directed
at me, I'd be a bit worried."

"Mad used his website (in my opinion) as a tool to damage and disrupt
the community. He crafted lies and misdirections, then posted
something designed to stand out and direct traffic at his site."

"Based on past experience, I think you will attack anything you want
when you are bored or whenever it strikes your fancy."

"Your principle form of communication seems to be antagonism."

"You enjoy manipulating people and situations in the on-line world on
a level that is perverse and pathological (AND BEYOND REDEMPTION)"

"For 3 years you have travelled from one end of the internet to the
other building a reputation that is offensive by the most liberal of
thinkers (how many isps, name changes, scams, troll posts, stunts,
wars, etc.?"

"You employ Machiavellian antics in group interactions for the sole
purpose of creating anarchy, ridiculing "the ignorance of others", and
couch it in the guise of being a revolutionray or intuitive reformer"

"You saw that too? He is slurping in places he will regret. Mad is way
above the Troll Inc fucks."

"You know, you may not like MH, but he does have a point here.
All of the accomplished hackers I know are expert SEs."

"Is there a place we can report him to,so tha he'll stop posting?
(like a couple people tried to do to you and the fellow you were flame
waring with.)"

"Please take these mindgames that you play to make yourself
feel like a "Big Man" and go to a group that will like them
like alt.ego.huge"

"Your comments are not only insulting to many people personally in the
community, but also directly disrespectful to James' memory. It's your
right to flame people's sites, if you don't care about people's
feelings."

"He's got an... interesting... history on usenet. Appears to be doing
his best to be a professional offender. A search of recent posts on
Dejanews turns up nothing that isn't in alt.flame or
alt.hackers.malicious..."

"Actually, that's something I considered when speaking to Mad
offline. I think my conclusion on the issue is that Mad's approach
(I.E. causing disruptions, etc) is a very fast, effective way of doing
it. However, it causes unfortunate side effects such as bitterness and
ill-will (not to mention increased traffic)."

"Mad, I have to admit I was mad and hurt. You do not have much of
my respect right now considering the manner in which you pulled your
'stunt'."

"You hit right on, but were your methods too harsh? I think that they
were."

"Exactly how will you "revise" that disgusting piece of hate-garbage
to more accurately express your feelings?"


==========================================================================
2x2 - Onideus Mad Hatter Fan Club Information
==========================================================================

Coming soon!

...just as soon as I rip off and rewrite the *snicker* "official"
Mad Hatter Fan Club Entrance exam: http://www.open.org/~cboatlor/exam.htm (Who's computer is this?)
(apparently they'll give anyone 20mb of web space these days)


==========================================================================
2x3 - Obligatory Top Ten List
==========================================================================

The Top Ten Things That Distinguish Onideus Mad Hatter
From That Net.Dead Loser Boi Brad Turcotte

10. Onideus has talent.

9. Brad constantly loses at Tic-Tac-Toe against Onideus.

8. Onideus is a white bread cracker American slob who likes beer,
movies, greasy food, relentlessly attacking stupid people, and
'makin stuff'. Brad is a nazi communist pinko who helped to
plan and execute the Sept. 11th attacks.

7. Brad was a 2 and a half year slightly bent stiffy that even
virtual Viagra couldn't get back up. Mad Hatter is a crazy
sex machine God who will NEVER run out of FIRE! "Yeah, I gots
teh fire, baby!"

6. Onideus has got teh evul, Brad has got teh ghey.

5. Brad is old, nobody likes old people, they smell funny.

4. Onideus Mad Hatter is much cooler.

3. Brad can't reproduce, I've heard he's sterile.

2. One has a bigger ego than the other...ooo, try and guess which one!

1. Brad likes to sleep with his mom, Onideus likes to sleep with Drew Barrymore.


==========================================================================
2x4 - Ways Onideus Mad Hatter Has Been "Insulted"
==========================================================================

"BWAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAH FUCKING HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!
What a FAT fucking goofy-azzed fucktard."

"Don't forget. COCKEYED GENE. MOOHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!! WTF
OMFGIALMAOAIHLAMF!"

"SPANK!!! MOOHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!"

"I am somewhat envious of your Brain Delete Key."

"[ forwarded to FBI ]"

"Q: Ever wonder why noone says: DIAPER BOI! MISS Jo0!!
A: They don't."

"It's going to be an all out war, Mattyboy, stick around for the dancing."

"NOT. You're owned following up to me, dimwit."

"One of my k00ks is better than any ten you could come up with."

"AHM is dead to you because they don't deliver pizza."


"...just stop it, you're going to hurt my virtual feelings!" ^_^
-Onideus Mad Hatter


==========================================================================
3x3 - An AOL IM Chat Excerpt With Onideus Mad Hatter
==========================================================================

*names changed to protect the evul*

supersai: i have a job for you

OnideusMadHatter: What?

supersai: how would you like to fuck around with my ex's mind?
supersai: with a simple letter?

OnideusMadHatter: Sure

supersai: ok, just....
supersai: send her a letter with paperclips

OnideusMadHatter: he, he, he...can I write crazy shit all over the outside of the envelop?

supersai: lol
supersai: no
supersai: sorry

OnideusMadHatter: Awww
OnideusMadHatter: Just paper clips?

supersai: yes

OnideusMadHatter: How about cat hair too?

supersai: just paperclips
supersai: no.....

OnideusMadHatter: Hrmmm....

supersai: that doesnt do anything for her

OnideusMadHatter: /me checks to see if he has paper clips
OnideusMadHatter: OOOooo, I've got some colored ones
OnideusMadHatter: I can send her some of those

supersai: heh
supersai: just listen

OnideusMadHatter: k

supersai: try not to get your finger prints on the letter

OnideusMadHatter: k

supersai: she wants to file a suit againist me
supersai: if i sent her another letter
supersai: of course, she cant anyway >>

OnideusMadHatter: Very true

supersai: anywho, try to be careful

OnideusMadHatter: Well she could try, but the judge would just throw it out

supersai: and in the case you are caught, i will deny 100% knowing you

OnideusMadHatter: k
OnideusMadHatter: It's not illegal to send a letter you know

supersai: you do know not to mail it with your address right?

OnideusMadHatter: oh yeah yeah
OnideusMadHatter: Yeesh, it's me!
OnideusMadHatter: o_O

supersai: i know hatter
supersai: you have no morals or problems with wrecking a persons life.....
supersai: ^ ^

OnideusMadHatter: Nope
OnideusMadHatter: I'm evil
OnideusMadHatter: ^_^

supersai: well, if you can
supersai: send her a pack of paperclips ^ ^

OnideusMadHatter: K
OnideusMadHatter: What's the address?

supersai: that will fuck her up some more
supersai: Kris Hatfield
900 Asheton Court
Marietta, GA, 30068
USA

OnideusMadHatter: k
OnideusMadHatter: ^_^

supersai: have fun.....
supersai: and remember, paperclips
supersai: lots of them
supersai: ^ ^

OnideusMadHatter: Gotcha
OnideusMadHatter: :-)

supersai: this conversation never happened

OnideusMadHatter: What conversation?

supersai: and i suggest you copy and paste the address somewhere

OnideusMadHatter: I just wrote it down

supersai: a future use will occur
supersai: so be ready
supersai: ;-)

OnideusMadHatter: k


==========================================================================
3x4 - Interview With The Now Net.Dead Brad Turncoat...Er I Mean Tercotte
==========================================================================

OMH: Hey There

BT: Hello.

OMH: So, how have you been?

BT: Alive.

OMH: Not according to a recent poll of the left side of Usenet.

BT: I suppose.

OMH: So, have you gotten any cooler?

BT: Not much. You?

OMH: Fuck man, I'm so cool I had to turn up the heat!

BT: Ah. Must be fun.

OMH: Oh yes, yes it is.

BT: I was being sarcastic.

OMH: You wield sarcasm about as well as CNN wields puns.

BT: Hmmm.

OMH: Yeah, that's right, Bitch. Hrmmm...so what do you know about Onideus Mad Hatter?

BT: I can't say.

OMH: Is it because I'm speaking about myself in the third person...does it scare you?

BT: He threatened to fall asleep while I was driving if I said anything.

OMH: QUIT TALKING ABOUT ME LIKE I'M NOT IN THE SAME ROOM! ...so is it true that you've got teh
ghey?

BT: Yep.

OMH: And is it also true that you're a lil pig fucker?

BT: Yep.

OMH: Maybe you should just kill yourself as a gift to humanity...I'm just sayin.

BT: Sounds like a plan.

OMH: Oh I'm all about the plans, you get right on it!

BT: Okay.


==========================================================================
4x4 - THE END
==========================================================================

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

This is the song that never ends.
It goes on and on my friends.
Someone started singing it not knowing what it was,
and they'll continue singing it forever just because,

<bored now>


==========================================================================
4x5 - Closing Notes
==========================================================================

Much like Onideus Mad Hatter's ability to be nice to utterly fucking
stupid morons, this FAQ is still under construction. If you have any
burning questions that need to be answered, fuck off, cause Onideus
Mad Hatter doesn't give a frosty flying fuck what you think. In fact
you really don't do enough of that (thinking) for it to really start
concerning him in the first place.

All spelling and grammatical errors were done purposefully so that this
FAQ could also double as the Onideus Mad Hatter Personal Assistant
entrance exam. All applicants must have big breasts, a nice ass and
come to the interview wearing a tight lil mini skirt and sheer black
pantyhose with matching bra. Panties and blouse are optional.

"Have a severely fucked up day...on me!"
-Onideus Mad Hatter

--

Onideus Mad Hatter
mhm ¹ x ¹
http://www.backwater-productions.net (Who's computer is this?)